Lovers In Japan
by double scotch.single malt
Summary: MD Two-shot. The dream of the 'candle-print-house', fic centered around the events of the S4 finale. Read and you won't be disappointed! Rated M for mature, erotic content.
1. Lovers in Japan, Part 1 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**I heard this song yesterday and I remembered how much I loved this song. Coldplay ... I love them and their body of work. Anyway, all day I heard this song play inside my head. And so when my daughter woke up two hours ago and then I had trouble falling back asleep ... this song still played on and on in my head, so I figured I would do something about it.**

**This is what came out. A one-shot (now a two-shot). Enjoy.**

**Lovers in Japan**

Lyrics for "Lovers in Japan" from Coldplay:

Lovers, keep on the road you're on  
Runners, until the race is run  
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on  
Sometimes even right is wrong

They are turning my head out  
To see what I'm all about  
Keeping my head down  
To see what it feels like now  
But I have no doubt  
One day, we are gonna get out

Tonight maybe we're gonna run  
Dreaming of the Osaka sun  
Ohh ohh...  
Dreaming of when the morning comes

They are turning my head out  
To see what I'm all about  
Keeping my head down  
To see what it feels like now  
But I have no doubt  
One day the sun will come out

* * *

**Lovers in Japan - Part 1 of 2**

_Beth's alive._

_It's all I can think about, well that, and the idea of alternative universes. You know the idea, the concept – or maybe you don't – and here's the thing, maybe we don't believe in those ideas – these illusions of grandeur – until we 'see' one for our own eyes, or feel it, or somehow come to live it … or dream it like I did tonight._

_All day, there was this – different plane – lurking around each corner, this idea of peacefully coexisting with Derek while 'he's with Rose'. The mantra … never worked, which I suppose was the point. It never worked because he never really was 'with' Rose. Not in the way he was with me … for Derek – being 'with' Rose – was just an alternative universe._

_A way to be without me, a way to move on, a way to live and survive on that other plane of existence … without me, even though there always was this legendary universe – that perhaps we had both seen once or twice before – this legendary universe in which we lived together, happily committed amongst some kind of beautiful, billowy candle light._

_Lights that illuminated our faces and made us real to one another like nothing else – except for maybe his hands on me or his lips pressed evenly on my flesh or his cock submersed within our perfect fit and alignment or his beautiful face during the rise and fall of orgasmic bliss – those lights that reminded me why and how I 'came' to fall in love with Derek Shepherd in the first place._

_Filtered light with movement that made each facet of his blue eyes sparkle, even that deep, secretive sadness – the' him' he revealed only to me – yes, those were the lights I had come to dream about and cherish and ache for when we weren't together._

_Beth's alive._

I turned onto the main road, passing the small town I entered a little bit ago with a second blink of the eye in less than an hour – _a couple of hundred idiotic hurricane lantern thingys clinked against one another in the back of my truck, taunting me, probably breaking into millions of shards of glass with each passing mile _– hundreds of them made up this _'vision' _along with the boxes and boxes and boxes of matches that sat on the passenger seat next to me.

I don't know what I was thinking – _oh yeah, I do, I do _– Beth's alive. She's alive. Beth's alive.

_Eyes open alive._

_Heart beating alive._

_Relieved parents alive._

_Beth's alive._

Jeremy… is dead – _Beth's first lover in the truest sense of the term _– and he's dead. Sweet and young and full of hopeful optimism, Jeremy is dead. Dead-dead – _no happy ending dead _– young and dead and not coming back.

_So dead, he's not coming back. So dead, he's changed ... forever._

_But I did. I was dead-dead once. So dead, but I came back._

_And so, I asked myself all day today …what am I?_

_Dead on the inside?_

_Or alive?_

_What do I want to be?_

_Dead or alive?_

And so I dared myself to answer this question as I sat across from Beth, her head bandaged, her eyes closed – _if Beth opened her eyes, I would know my answer, it would come to me, I told myself, I dared myself to answer the fucking question _– because there was this small (_minute_) glimmer of hope, a small slice, so small no one besides me would have ever known it was there … so dared myself to put stock in this small, yet stunning turn of events in my life.

_For Meredith Grey had hope and that had to mean something to me … didn't it?_

And so I sat there and dared Beth to open her eyes – _dared her to challenge me so I could act on this small newfound glimmer of hope_ – in name of what, declaring myself alive, finally … alive?

_Hours later it seemed Beth took that dare and she opened her beautiful, sad, but wonderfully dark eyes and my heart skipped a beat – a full beat, I was jump-started, paddles and all – and a rush of new life encapsulated me and I let myself believe in the small glimmer of hope that somehow found me and asked me to cherish it … or keep it … or own it … or simply live it!_

Without thinking I went stark-raving mad, the complete rush of new life and what I wanted out of it zoomed in and out of my head – _the visualization of the future _– that alternative universe filled my mind where I was already alive and happy and hopeful and sated – _and it was a beautiful dream _– one filled with those delicate bouncing candle lights and Derek's happy dancing eyes and his warm embrace, the one I so easily fell into – _the only embrace I ever trusted, the only one I let myself fall in love with … he was the only man I ever loved … the only one_ – like I said, it was a beautiful dream.

_Or was it?_

_So I set out to find that champagne bottle, looking everywhere, a complete wreck when it didn't turn up – because I had hope and there was that beautiful alternative universe – somewhere far, far away … like Singapore or Bora-Bora or … Japan … somewhere where Derek and I were already living in that dream-house on that cliff, a universe in which we were already … home – swaying and kissing amongst those billowing, bouncing candle lights – his warm embrace, everywhere, covering me, cloaking me … keeping me safe and warm in that cool, dry place._

Yeah, in some other place, in some other world we were already together and happy … his dancing blue eyes told me so. They told me the sadness could end; they told me he still believed in true love and soul mates – _they told me I hadn't changed who he was_ – his eyes told me that the distance between us could be closed … forevermore.

_Because I had hope and I had to act on it. And because, somewhere inside that beautiful alternative universe, I had hope that we would come to live this dream to fruition. _

Because Beth was alive – _she was alive _– living and breathing and smiling … _alive-alive._

I smiled now as I turned and crossed over Derek's property line – _was this trespassing I wondered for a half a second _– not really caring if it was though because after all, somewhere along the line – _I would come to live on this land _– I would come to cultivate it and eventually call it my own because of this small new glimmer of hope and the dream of the alternative universe.

_I wanted roots … I wanted seeds … I wanted children._

My heart gave out … truly, madly, deeply on those thoughts. Because even if I didn't trust Derek right at this moment – _precisely right now _– and even if Rose was his woman … this land was where I truly belonged … it was my homestead. It was where I first came to terms with my love for Derek – _it was where I left and buried my savior _– my Doc, my trusted friend, I left him here … see, another small piece of me already resided here.

I drove down the makeshift pathway, my dull headlights illuminating just enough of the land in front of me, remembering now that day all those months ago when Derek and I took a walk together and stopped along this breathtaking clearing. He said no words that day about a house on the cliff – _no, no … that didn't come until much later, when __he__ dared me … silently asking me if I was alive inside – alive enough to commit, alive enough to care about us. And the answer (at the time) was 'no' _– because there was no hope, no hope for trust, no hope for love – no …there was nothing between us but broken trust and love … _no chance for the extraordinary._

_No chance for someone like Beth to survive. Back then._

_There was only a void. No alternative universe. No Japan. _

I stopped along the clearing, turned the ignition off and closed my eyes – _the visualization filtered into my mind's eye again_ – I wasn't builder, but I could do this – _I was the maker and the architect of the glimmer of hope after all _– so I knew I could somehow make this wild dream of dancing candle lights become my reality … and his.

_Leaving my headlights on, I grabbed the matches and slipped from the warm enclave of my truck and into the harsh, cold and damp air of the night I would come to make the dream my own … because Beth was alive and there was that alternative universe out there just waiting to collide with the here and now._

I heaved a sigh and opened the back of the truck – _the frigid air burned my throat and esophagus and lungs_ – and I let it be, I didn't fight it. I wanted to feel the burn; because feeling the burn meant that it meant something – _that it was my reality_ – here on this cliff in the middle of the night with these fucking idiotic hurricane lantern thingys staring back at me like another dare.

_And so I did what had to be done – I struck a match, the smoke twirled in the air, the burn of the wood plumed into my face, the fire illuminated my spirit and ignited my core – and there inside that private moment – just outside the alternative universe, I lit one candle and another and another and another … and I closed my eyes and mapped the candle-print-house in my head and rested each fragile glass lantern on the frozen earth … one by one by one, carrying two by two, double-fisted, frigid hands, numb from all the work … back and forth to my truck I came and went._

_Light._

_Carry._

_Rest._

_Light._

_Carry._

_Rest._

_Light._

_Carry._

_Rest._

_Until the 'house' started to take shape … except by then the 'old me' showed up, the one without so much hope, the one who couldn't commit … to love … or to trust … or ... to Derek._

Hours passed visualizations waned and my imagination got the better of me. Yes, Beth was alive and so was I – _and so was the literal flicker dream _– but the renewed hope began to fade as time went on and Derek did not materialize as he had in the vision – _the one far, far away in that stunning moment, in that beautiful alternative universe_ – the one in which were already together …and happy … and surrounded by flickering and smoldering candle lights.

_Wasn't he the one who said he would always show up? _

I stood back and surveyed my handiwork and began to pace inside the delicate _candle-print-house_ of my own creation.

_This was it – this 'was' the alternative universe – this 'was' Japan, my heart trembled. I did it. I let my wet eyes sweep over the lanterns now, praying to no specific God – to please let the winds die down, to please let the candles survive, to please let the dream of Derek's eyes dancing with the flames come to life – because I finally had hope and Beth was alive … living and breathing and smiling alive and it was an extraordinary thing! _

I swallowed hard and began to pace in earnest – _chastising myself now _– I pulled my PDA from my pocket, my resolve weakening with each passing tick of the clock. I could just call Derek – _'that stupid, idiotic, brain man' _– no, no, no … I needed someone to tell me this was okay, that this was alright and that I would be alright – _if the hope thing didn't work out, if the alternative universe thing was just an elaborate rouse _– I sighed with frustration … _'I could be home right now'_, safe and warm and home and curled up with a bottle of tequila.

My hope was dwindling fast. I was cold. My lungs hurt. He was supposed to show up. He was supposed to be here and now, I needed some kind of reality check – _I needed a sign that I had indeed arrived on the plane of that beautiful alternative universe, somewhere far, far off in the distance where with those flickering candle lights lived on in perpetuity just like the essence of Derek's warm embrace_ – I needed a sign. _I … needed … Derek._

_And then just like that, I heard my name roll off of his tongue and I looked up to find him._

_"Meredith," _he said into the wind.

And even though all I could do was rant and ramble nervously as he moved closer and closer to me still – _his hands firmly around that champagne bottle _– holding onto it now for dear life, just as I would have ... I was captivated, deep inside … I was processing his movement, watching the candle lights play against this amused eyes.

Yes, I was willingly held captive – _a prisoner of my own making inside our stunning alternative universe_ – completely awestruck by those beautiful, sad flecks of happiness in his eyes that mingled now with his wonderment of me and all that I had become.

I watched his heart strings stretch as I pulled and pulled and pulled on them with all my might, silently sparring with him, drawing him near, I said without words –_ 'you know this place, this is our place, yours and mine … the one we secretly live upon' _– and he answered me, also without words … _'I know, I know this place, I love this place.'_

_And just like that … his lips touched mine, heart muscle beating to heart muscle, nerves massaging nerves, the world in which we lived fell away… and yes, just like that we had arrived inside our legendary alternative universe – the one we had both dreamed of – and it became our reality and we were finally … 'home'._

_Because Beth was alive._

_And because I had hope._

**Lovers in Japan - Part 2 of 2 to follow**.


	2. Lovers in Japan, Part 2 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: First … this is for Julie … I love ya … second, please note the Rating Change to M. **

**Lovers in Japan – Part 2 of 2**

I don't know what it is about Meredith Grey that turns me inside out … or maybe I do – _maybe I finally do _– I thought now as I made a swift exit from Rose's apartment building. The cool midnight hitting me like a wall as I passed through the glass doors and made my way to the car.

_Candlelight flickered deep in my mind's eye – Beth eyes fluttered open – and the world started to spin again._

I slipped into the drivers' seat, set my hands on the wheel and started the car – _finally releasing a large gulp of air I had no idea I had been withholding_ – untamed relief consumed me on the spot and suddenly I was myself again. Well, not myself, but this newer version of myself, the one I had morphed into when I met Meredith Grey and she tipped my life to the side without even trying until I wasn't me anymore _– I wasn't normal_ – and began to live in some kind of alternative universe.

And so yeah, I can admit that now – _that it had been weeks_ – weeks of stifling that breath, weeks of holding back … weeks spent with Rose – _weeks where I mindlessly and recklessly turned my back on Meredith and my feelings for her _– until tonight … until Beth opened her eyes.

_Until the world started to spin again – because Beth opened her fucking eyes – and because she would live to see another day – and because the candlelight flickered … so real, so true, so deep just like it did within my mind's eye._

I rounded the corner and entered the line to merge into ferry traffic – _all the while thinking about Meredith and that alternative universe we somehow lived within _– because it was there all along, all along it was there – _a year's worth of stolen moments and glances told me as much_ – because in all the time we had known each other, _all it took was one look_ … and I was there – _transcended into her endless pits of emerald facets, lost and found within her eyes_ – her mind's eye whisking me away to this dream of a place where we were already together and happy.

And it was true, I wanted to be in that place – _so desperately at times_ – that I would have done and said anything to get there (and I did). The alternative universe was a drug, the promise of the panacea that kept me wanting _more, more, more_. If I stopped to think about it now _– my empty promises were just that_ – my desperate plea to ask her to come with me … to ask her to look into my eyes and see what I so vividly could see in hers … _us_ … _together._

_Visions of Meredith standing amidst her 'candle print house' funneled through my mind now – hovering for a beat as I cherished her beauty – smiling now while my heart became giddy from her grand gesture … quite possibly the most beautiful and meaningful 'gift' anyone had ever given me. The world spun again. Beth opened her eyes. The champagne was still cold._

I waited for the last of the few cars to pass over the ferry threshold, scrutinizing each one – _fear arresting me_ – desperate now to ensure Meredith was still waiting for me on the other side. _One by one by one_, I let my eyes follow the vehicles – _each time reciting a silent prayer of 'thanks'_ – relief consuming me again when I came to realize that Meredith was not one of the travelers.

Yeah … she was still on the other side … the other side of this life – _shrouded within the beautiful lights of her 'candle print house'_ – our alternative universe, the one that used to reside on a plane all its own … the one that was more attainable now, albeit a long journey _– the alternative universe was finally within reach_ – no more difficult than a direct flight to Istanbul or Malaysia … _or Japan._

Parking on the ferryboat – _I glanced to the clock on the console_ – I had been gone for an hour and a half … and hour and a half and everything had changed. For the most part, Rose had expected our breakup, muttering something to me about being unable to compete with the _'legend'_ of my relationship with Meredith. She was bitter and angry – _of course she tried to conceal her emotions_ – but I could sense her betrayal … _and I couldn't blame her_. She had done nothing wrong; she'd simply gotten caught in the crossfire of my irresponsibility.

My decisions … my reasons … my rationale for starting something with Rose were misguided, none done out of malice, rather desperation – _and in the end, there was one thing I was certain of_ – we would have never lasted … we weren't meant to be … because with Rose _– there was no beautiful alternative universe_ – there was no moment in time for _'one look'_ into her eyes to take me to a clandestine place where we would cease to exist to the rest of the world and be within reach only to each other.

_No, no … that place only existed for me with Meredith …the candlelight flickered in a deep pocket of my mind again ... I closed my eyes and welcomed the imagery and as I did – I could feel the ferryboat glide over the water, the ebb and pull of the strong vessel, push, push, push – 'carry me home, take me to her, my love, my lover', I pleaded … and 'please, please, please let her still be there' … waiting for me, suspended in time as she would be in my mind's eye for now and for all time._

_And within this small private moment of prayer, I silently promised myself, reminded myself – that as time should pass for us and life should become ours together – to always remember this small vision of her – Meredith Grey, housed within candles – as she surrendered so willingly to her feelings for me … because it was cathartic and beautiful and worth cherishing. _

Because somewhere along the line Meredith had become my person … both my addiction and my elixir, my Meredith – _my mind still wrapped around her today_ – just as it had been since the moment we met … _still, still, still_ … still withstanding the test of time … transcending above all else _– secret wives, betrayals, bombs, debris, the tread and defeat of cold self doubt, of drowning … of death_ – still rising above … our love – _our deep connection finding its own path of survival_ – our bodies no more than conduits for its purpose and existence.

_While lessons were learned – and trials were conducted – and metaphors were lived … while we survived, much like Beth … yeah, much like Beth, we had arrived on the other side – tattered and worn and put back together again and again until somehow we did indeed cross over this boundary where everything was finally aligned – and by everything, I mean the stars too._

I smiled and drove absentmindedly, crossing over the boundary of my property line _– wondering where on earth I would find Meredith_ – down by the _'candle print house'_ … up at the trailer … my heart raced with infinite possibilities. I rounded the small bend in the makeshift road – _peering down and through the trees as I went_ – seeing now that some of the lanterns had indeed burned out. _Watching now as one, then another and yet another disappeared as I looked on._ I turned the car and drive down to the clearing, Meredith's truck was still there, parked off to the side … and then I saw her – _she was still there, she waited, she waited, she waited_ – my heart gave out.

_Pulling the car to a stop, I saw her head pop up – ducking out of the car – I watched her eyes find mind in the semi-darkness. Surely she was cold – she had to be freezing – I thought now as I walked quickly toward her … candle smoke smoldering in the air all around her. She looked gorgeous, stunning nonetheless._

"You waited," I mumbled as I came to stand in front of her, her eyes sparkled, wet with emotion I had never seen before.

"I did," she said into the wind. "You showed up," she breathed, pushing her hair behind her ears. "Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes searching, she stepped closer.

"I am _– now I am_ – I … it's fine, everything's how it should be," I sighed with a smile because it really was. "Are you still scared?" I asked softly, because I really wanted to know, I took her frigid hands in mine.

"I am … but I'm still here," she stated evenly, a small satisfied grin crossed over her face. "How about you?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm scared too," I confessed, pressing my forehead to hers, lost within her aura already.

"Well, that's a first," she smiled. "We can be scared together," she sighed.

"I'd like that … level the playing field," I offered, my eye caught a candle as it was snuffed out by the wind. I raised my head. "What were you doing?" I asked, darting my eyes along the clearing and back to hers.

"Oh … forest fires," she muttered with a giggle. "I was up at the trailer – _and then I thought_ – forest fire and I came back down here to blow these things out," she chuckled, turning around; she fanned her arm out and then turned around quickly to face me again. "Want to help?" she asked, extending her hand out.

"Sure," I said, taking her cold hand in mine. "Sure, we can pick the glasses up tomorrow," I said as we walked hand in hand down and away from the cars.

"I was thinking, if … um, if we started down there," she pointed to the far end of the clearing. "We could make our way up with some light as we went," she sighed, squeezing my hand.

"You lead, I'll follow," I agreed … after all that's what this relationship was about … me learning to take the lead from Meredith.

_And so we worked for several minutes – each no doubt deep in thought about the events to come and what it all meant for us – meandering amongst the candlelight of our alternative universe … as we came to blow that universe out for good, for we didn't need it anymore. Candle by candle by candle._

_Deep breath._

_Blow._

_Deep breath._

_Blow._

_Deep breath._

_Blow._

_Deep breath._

_Blow._

_Until the alternative universe was gone, and all we had was our reality and it was a beautiful thing. _

_Yeah … one by one by one, the flames of those candles were snuffed out until only two remained – one for me and one for her – and so there we stood side by side, hand in hand, leaning over now … we blew … them out._

_And everything went dark. The slate was clean. The canvas was blank, yet rich with history._

***

I pulled up to the trailer, Meredith following closely behind me. I stepped from the car – _her headlights illuminated the clearing, the side of the trailer gleaming against the fabricated light_ – she turned her engine off and I waited for her near the porch steps. She didn't make a move though. _I stood still; it was my turn to wait and wait I would … she would lead and I would follow her … anywhere._ After another few seconds, she emerged from the cab of the truck, she smiled nervously and I waited … _still._

"Last time … we started off slow, do you remember?" she asked softly as she came to stand in front of me, her green eyes flicking up to mine where they stayed.

"I do," I answered, remembering how we started off … taking things slow _– until Dr. Burke happened, the fiasco_ – until we needed something good … until we needed our connection.

"And then," she whispered, stepping closer. "You …," she choked out, losing herself for a beat, I reached out for her hand. "And then you … _you_ … _acquiesced, agreed_ … to sex and mockery, for me," she sighed, leaning into me as she did.

"Hmm, I did," I said, closing the minuscule distance between us while my heart raced because in truth … there wasn't much I wouldn't do for Meredith.

"Do you still want to do more than kiss me?" she asked before planting her lips just above the color of my coat, her muscles pulsed against my pulse – _lifeline to lifeline_ – her compressions were soft and warm, her touch feather-light.

"I do, you know I do … I've always wanted you Meredith," I sighed; those familiar whimsical memories of our alternative universe flooded my mind now.

"Me too Derek," she husked, stepping in between my feet, she left me no further choice, no reason to question her intentions.

_I ducked down and seized her lips with mine – our kiss was soft and slow, long and hard and meaningful – my hands found her skull where I held on tight and attempted wield control over our kiss before we broke away from each other long enough to ascend the makeshift porch steps and pass over the trailer threshold._

I slammed the door shut behind us – _all was quiet and dark, save for our raspy breathing – in, out, in, out_ … our eyes locked now, I reached out and slipped her coat from her shoulders, her hair was still cold to the touch, her red v-neck sweater accentuated her curves in all the right places, her jeans fit like a glove. She smiled, stepping closer again, smoothing her hands under my coat; she slipped the heavy garment from my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Her hands found the waistband of my pants – _she tugged, supporting herself, her breath caught in her throat, hitching_ – before her mouth found mine and she worked the button fly.

The next few minutes were a blur _– clothing fell to the floor in a frenzy of caresses, moans of appreciation filled the air as we became reacquainted with one another_ – our familiarity deafening … the instinctual way in which we touched one another never ceased to amaze me and in moments like this it really did feel like we were meant to be, for no one had ever made me feel the way Meredith did_. No one._ And so it was no surprise that we ended up naked at the foot of the bed _– panting into our natural heat – _the air inside the trailer no longer cold … rather refreshing.

"Meredith," I muttered, encircling her in my arms, my mouth planted along her shoulder, her pert breasts cutting across my chest. "Tell me … what do you want?" I asked, my heart filled with emotion I hadn't expected, I felt her chest heave, her hands found my waist.

"Just you – _all of you_ – every part of you … there's no one but you," she sighed heavily, her eyes closed, her body relaxing in my arms, she kissed my collarbone before she moved to plant her perfect mouth over one of my nipples.

_Where she began flicking my pleasure point with her tongue while her hands found my cock, one hand on my shaft, the other palming my sack – she stroked me – gently rolling my hard and soft flesh in her capable hands._

"What about you?" she cooed, sucking on my flesh, my nipples hard as diamonds now. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice quivering, betraying her confidence ever so slightly _– so slight_ – only I would have picked it up. Turning in my arms, she sat down on the edge of the bed, her hands still massaging me.

"To make slow love to you – _somewhere in between taking it slow and sex and mockery_ – I just … want you all to myself," I husked, leaning my hands down on the bed on either side of her hips, I kissed her swollen lips.

_Our kiss deepened, taking on a life of its own as I knelt in front of my once-again lover and rested my hands on her hips. Her hands found my neck and shoulders, our mouths connected, wet and hot, tongue against tongue, nerves massaging nerves – tensions dissipated, the more we connected, the more we became aligned – and therein the more we became a reality to one another._

_My hands found her breasts, my lips found her collarbone, her head lolled back as I took one of her perfectly round nipples, sucking it into my mouth with gentle force, flicking her flesh with the tip of my tongue – swirl, swirl, smack, lick, fuck, suck – over and over before I blew on the capillary to cool it down. _

_Meredith moaned into the air above us, I held her other breast in my hands now, lifting the nipple to my mouth before I swept my tongue back and forth, feeling her flesh protrude in response, rolling the fat nub in between my lips and tongue – Meredith wrapped her legs around my torso and held on tight, allowing her body to fall back and away from my mouth and onto the mattress._

_I crawled up, up, up, positioning myself in between her wide open legs – her essence arresting me, her sex permeating the air all around us – I pressed tiny wet kisses anywhere my mouth landed … her skin tasted so good and familiar, I couldn't possibly get enough, for I missed her ... I missed this._

_I knew that now as her sweet lavender fragrance filled my nostrils … her essence consuming me just like it always did. My lips found her nipples again, my hand swept down and across her mound – my cock lengthened in a feral response – for this is what she did to me, she rendered me hopeless without even trying._

"Derek," Meredith sighed, I pulled my mouth from her flesh and looked up to find her in the dark – _her green_ _eyes closed in bliss, her body writhing beneath mine, her fingers working her nipples, her cheeks flushed and rosy_ – her submission stunned me. "Put your mouth on me," she sighed, her eyes still closed.

_I grasped her tiny hand in mine and began to kiss her flesh again – pressing my mouth along each rib, then each hip bone, her legs fell open, her hands found my skull – I rested head on her hip bone and waited for her to open her eyes, looking up and back – her pussy pulsed, her sex intoxicated me – I pressed my free hand down on her opposite thigh, her apex opened for me._

_Meredith opened her eyes and pressed her fingers over her hooded clit – she massaged herself, coaxing her little nub to peek out – I watched, my mouth watering now as her pointer finger breached her glistening folds and disappeared. A guttural moan escaped her lips and then mine as I leaned forward and pressed my mouth over her hole, sucking her finger dry as she removed it and let me have my way with her._

_Reaching down I gently pressed her slick folds back, nudging her juicy clit with my nose – my eyes closed in bliss as I sucked a deep breath of her sex into my lungs to keep it for myself, keep, keep, keep – Meredith shifted her hips up and back, her opening brushing up against my nose now before I seized her flesh into my mouth again – an animalistic moan fell from her lips – God, she tasted so fucking good, sweet and musty, better than I ever remembered!_

_I swept my mouth along her folds, up and down; up and down – French kissing her nerves and muscles and flesh – my feeding frenzy began, my cock lengthened, my core ignited … fuck, fuck, fuck, I fucked her senseless with my mouth!_

"I missed your cum on my tongue," I said, my voice thick – _her sultry juice on my lips_ – funneling down my throat. "I can't get enough of … what you do to me," I heaved in between pulses, my tongue stiff and ready to enter her core once again before I sucked her clit between my lips and applied gentle pressure, nipping with my teeth.

"Oh …my … oh Jesus," Meredith heaved, her hips rolling up and back, she rubbed her pussy deeper over my mouth. "Right … there!" she sang out, her hands flanking my skull, grasping the linens as she tried anything and everything to ground herself as she took off, skyrocketing toward bliss without a parachute.

_Animalistic instincts overcame her now as her muscles began to milk my tongue – her sex funneling down my throat in abundance now, she was soaked and so was my face – I slipped one, then another finger into her warm, wet depths, her muscles swallowed them whole, taking them, holding them._

_Maintaining my oral hold on her clit, I pumped her pussy with my fingers, fucking her wildly – pulse, pulse, pulse – orgasmic bliss percolated to the surface, there was no turning back._

_She writhed back and forth like a fish tail – her body trembling, her cries filling the air, her cheeks surely flushed and beautiful – as her orgasm washed over her, cleansing her and cleaning her … painting yet another slate blank, her old tensions gone … a small piece of her trusting me to keep her afloat as she waded through her sea of bliss._

Grounding myself, I stroked her tired pussy with my tongue – _up and down_ – cleaning her up, kissing her muscles and nerves over and over again. Her thighs fell open, I peeked up and found her dewy body and face swathed in post orgasmic bliss, relaxed … trusting.

"Make love to me," came her small voice, her request resting in the darkness between us.

_My heart pinched – love consumed me – this was it, the real deal … and in that moment I felt like our lovemaking had somehow turned a corner … for in all the times Meredith 'wanted' me – we had been in that other place, the alternative universe saving each other from our private pains where we secretly hid our intense feelings for one another from the rest of the world – but right here, right now – we truly belonged to each other and our world became real – and that had to mean something. _

I crawled up and came to rest my head next to hers, my cock banging against her outer thigh as I crossed my knee over her thighs and stroked her hairline with my fingertips. "I love you," I whispered into the dewy heat of her neck. I watched a small set tears escape from her closed eyes. I brushed them away from her cheeks. "I know … this is big and real … but we can do this … be extraordinary," I soothed; she sniffled and opened her eyes.

_Her hands flew up to my face – her eyes so close to mine – I could see these wondrous flecks of brilliance I had never seen before the clinical trial started … yeah, even in the dark, her eyes were shining, much like they did tonight … especially tonight as she stood entangled in her 'candle print house'._

"I never stopped loving you," Meredith confessed, her eyes intensely locked on mine, she cradled my head in her hands, I blinked hard. "I tried … even when I was angry … but it didn't work," she sniffled, tears collected, the facets shimmered still.

"I did too … I tried, I tried when you first came back with Cristina … I tried to give you only what you wanted … but –"

"I really want this thing with you too … now I know … I do," Meredith interrupted, her voice quivered, but her intentions were clear. Her hand found my knee and she up, I situated myself between her thighs. "So … kiss me, love me … love _me_," she whispered, her voice cracked.

"I do … love you," I muttered; the heat from her core radiating against my abdomen, still sticky and wet from my ministrations.

I kissed her then, her pleas twirling in my head – _'kiss me, love me, love me'_ – her sweet lips opening to my mouth in the shape of a small _'o'_, still a perfect fit … _always_ a perfect fit. I linked my fingers through hers and raised our hands above her head – _a halo of our limbs framed her crown _– as I held her there under the heavy weight of the moment. I felt her thighs open; she clasped her heels across my ass, all the while our hearts and mouths remained connected … nothing but flesh and bone and tongues and nerves and muscles dancing in perfect harmony now.

_Meredith shifted under my weight, I moved up slightly, reaching down now with one hand I grasped my cock and swiftly ran it up and down her slick, warm seam – Meredith bucked her hips up and back, bellowing into the night as her thighs relaxed and fell open, her core ready and waiting now – my eyes locked on hers, unable and unwilling to look away. _

_And inside that moment – with her tiny gasp of pleasure ricocheting between us – hanging there like a statement … of desire …of need … of love – so small and so genuine that she made 'us' real – and to that point, so did I as I finally breached her folds with head of my cock._

_Fuck she felt so good! Was all I could think – as I pulsed downward, sinking into her depths where her unadulterated heat encased my muscle and my innate lust for her ran through my body akin to a line of ignited gunpowder._

_And that was it – that was all it took – for suddenly there was no beginning or end between us …our puzzle was finally complete. Meredith planted her lips on my neck, adding pressure to my lifeline, gyrating her hips as the last of my rod disappeared within her – our pelvises rubbed together sinuously – friction and heat culminated …our machine was drenched and needed to be worked!_

"Hmm, oh my …," Meredith heaved against my lips as I began to pulse with quick even strokes – _her core on fire as I worked her pussy_ – her muscles already clenching down, milking, pulsing, owning … keeping. "Deeper … more," she cried out with bliss.

_In an effort to fulfill my lover's command, I reached back and raised her left knee, pinning it under my forearm as I struck her pussy, slipping deeper into her sticky heat – pulse, pulse, deeper, deeper – my cock grew longer, striking her cervix now, bump, bump, filling her to the brink, our pelvises smacking together – our skin dewy, our eyes transfixed, wide open now – as we furiously made love to one another. _

I pulsed down long and hard one last time before we rolled over, Meredith on top now, her body and pussy covering mine like a handmade glove as she hunkered down and rode me like a horse approaching the finish line – _the flesh of her breasts swinging between us, her hardened peaks cutting across my chest, her lips on my neck, earlobes, mouth and collarbone_ – simple, tiny wet kisses of love and lust and desire that left indelible impressions upon my sticky skin as she fucked me like never before.

_My mind went blank as her muscles effortlessly massaged my cock before she raised herself up just enough to fuck only the sensitive head of my cock – slip, slip, slip, hold, hold, hold, quick, quick, quick – her ass in the air for a beat before she took my length fully into her again. Reaching down I snaked my hand between us and found her swollen clit with ease, brushing it from side to side, pressing the pad of my thumb over the nub, adding that pressure she so desperately wanted._

_Rolling over again, I gently pounded into my lover, my lips on hers – her sex drenching us again us as her muscles began to systematically clench around me – her core engulfed in flames now, her eyes shut tight … her hips rolling back and up, my thumb still playing with her fat nub as her orgasm washed over her – slow, slow, slow – I fucked her still, my own orgasm barreling out of control now, my sack banging against her ass – cum funneling from the core of my being, I shot my load – wet, sticky, abundant – my eyes closed tight inside bliss as I held Meredith even tighter._

***

It was a restless night for us – _one where I woke several times_ – each time, my grasp desperate to find Meredith, to make sure of her … each time she was there … within reach. I buried my head into the cool side of my pillow, it smelled of our sex –_ a salty, sweet, organic fragrance _– that somehow filled the air and permeated through our tangibles … _a constant reminder of 'us'_. I took a deep breath now, inhaling our residue as I did. Only then did I open my eyes.

My eyes fell on her immediately – _she stood near the window overlooking the clearing, likely waiting for the sun to fully rise_ – her eyes scanning the new horizon in front of her. She was wearing my badly wrinkled button down shirt, the sleeves folded up – _her hair a damp and heavy, her skin pink and fresh from her recent shower _– I smiled then, my heart on fire with love as I realized we had indeed crossed over to the other side – _for bliss was here and so were we_ – and this is what I wanted … for now and for … _ever._

_I pushed myself backwards – Meredith turned to find me – a small easy smile adorned her flushed cheeks. _

"Beth is still lucid … she had a restful night," she informed me as she walked toward the bed.

_I smiled as she pulled my shirt from her body and slipped into bed with me, rolling into my heat … our sex lingered on her skin despite her shower, my hands found the smooth skin of her back._

"Hmm _– I love hearing that_ – she's strong," I offered … '_just like you'_, I said to myself, burrowing deeper into her heat, her green eyes met mine; she kissed my lips with her minty ones, soft and quick. "Morning," I said gruffly, my lips brushing against hers again.

"Morning," she sighed, resting her head in the crook of my neck, her stomach growled, her giggle filled the air. "See what you do to me?" she teased, her hand sweeping down to my abdomen, her touch barely there.

"I like what I do to you," I husked, teasing her right back.

"Hmm, I do too," she giggled, her stomach growled again. "But seriously, there's nothing here to eat," she stated factually.

"I know – _we'll get something on the way in_ – there's always champagne," I thought aloud, spying the auspicious celebratory bottle on the kitchen counter top.

She laughed. "We could save it …," she mumbled, her tone more serious. "For tonight …," she smiled weakly, her cheeks heating under my watchful eye as she came to rest her chin on my chest, her legs intertwined with mine.

_I knew her well enough to know that she would have to get used to this idea of us … of the entity we would become – I knew she didn't like assumptions, making plans – ironing things out like schedules and the domesticity of it all. Relationships – they were complicated for her – I knew that now, of course I knew that now as I watched her mind work and ponder what it might mean to make this toast with this bottle of champagne … but all I could do was smile. _

"We do have a lot to celebrate Meredith," I sighed. "Like the reality of you and me … and this thing between us … and Beth …," I mused, tears collecting in my eyes now.

"We do Derek … we really do," she agreed without hesitation before she kissed me fully on the mouth, her tongue darting out, massaging mine before she pulled back and smiled widely.

_Her smile so wide … so genuine … and so true to herself that I could swear that for a split-second I saw the girl Meredith Grey must have been a long, long time ago – the girl that resided on that plane of some other alternative universe – the one who didn't know the harsh realities of what her childhood would become – the one who wasn't jaded about relationships and what love meant – the one who only knew that she __was__ loved and that she had an Anatomy Jane doll to prove it. _

"I'm really … gonna try to love you the way you deserve to be," I said, my smile wide now.

"And I'm really gonna try to trust you," she answered with her same wide smile.

**-END-**


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